This is a recent drawing (gesso and ink on paper, collage and acrylic) I did called “Things of the Past” copyright 2013
Often the light we have within–our essence, our creative potential and our uniqueness, is enshrouded by shadows of the past. In a recent visual-intuitive meditation I did, which I call Intuitive Stream Drawing Readings, using an intuitive method of drawing that I created (the subject of my next book, MAKING MARKS to be published in 2014 by Simon and Schuster/Beyond Words) I saw what came to me as a shrouded shadowy figure holding an image that looked like a “soul scroll” (these soul scrolls often come up in my intuitive readings—an image that looks like a scroll or chart, symbolizing what we contracted to see, do and learn in this life).
This is a detail from an Intuitive Stream Drawing reading I did recently (these visual-intuitive explorations are the subject of my next book, MAKING MARKS, due out in ’14 with Simon and Schuster/Beyond Words)
The idea of a shadow holding my soul’s potential and purpose hit me hard. I recognized it right away as a feeling I have at times that the past holds my “now” and “future” hostage. Now being this moment and future being my perception of moments unfolding into more moments. How? Memories of people, places and events that have formed my belief system, and have shaped my perception of myself and others can get fixed in a hard and unchanging way within the mind and emotions. All of these thoughts and emotions which are only mine (as they exist like movies playing over and over or novels being read over and over within) and are not real. They are possibly aspects of my personal truths, but they are only perceptions I have based on my experiences and knowledge. They are shadows of what once was, that I accept as real and unchangeable in some way. This is not negative–there is a lot of good that comes from this acceptance of certain thoughts I see as “real” and that is that my brain and heart remembers what I learned so I do not have to go through whatever those things were AGAIN. My brain and heart feel remorse, love, sentiment, nostalgia, respect. Those are good things. But the downside of all this is that at times we (certainly I) hold onto perceptions that no longer serve us, that are like mind-movies of the past dragging us down–yet we still carry them around as though they are real, carved in stone upon the heart, whether we know this consciously or not. Reflecting on this, I see that such thoughts and memories weigh on me when I have not resolved or forgiven myself or others! When I have not created a new way to use what happened in the past to honor life, I am allowing the past to define me, even though the scenes are dramatic stage-productions, life stories, that are figments and illusions. This can be a miserable way to live–each new moment marring current dispositions and thoughts. Past circumstances can set us up for future disappointments that are similar to those of the past (holding on to things of the past can be like telling the Universe you like those things, “so bring on more!”). It really is like the Shadow of Death holding the future hostage. That image in my meditation struck a cord so I could revisit in a conscious way, how memories can truly inhibit happiness if I allow them to–and I alone, with my free will, have to be the one to do that adjustment of perception. Nobody else can do that for me.
I love that through drawing, and through intuitively tuning in, discoveries can be made to set us free, allowing us to use the past for the good that is in it, to love more deeply, forgive more thoroughly and to understand life situations better. But then it is time to create new experiences, using all we’ve seen and heard, felt and participated in or generated (all of it–the good, the bad, the difficult, the easy, etc.). Each moment gives us a chance to create brand-new life episodes–I ask myself, why not create dreams-come-true and generate wonderful relationships, activities, explorations and art? Why not?